hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
