Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
