OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
