Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm lost and stupid without you.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
