My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
