I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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