note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
