I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
