Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
