Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
