I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
