He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
