No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
