my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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