She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
