We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
