i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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