he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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