If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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