After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
True college students do jello shots in the library
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