I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
