I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
