all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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