it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
