dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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