im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
