her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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