So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
