i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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