everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He better not be in your backpack
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
