Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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