i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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