I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
