after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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