if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize