he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
