no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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