he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
