**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize