dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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