just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize