Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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