I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
