So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
