I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
