Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
