dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
