...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
