I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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