"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
