Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
