if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
