whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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