God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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