you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
