last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Text me some of your sweat
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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