dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
