don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just found puke in my bra..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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