its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you had me at cake vodka
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
