I want to make a zoo with you.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Randomize
