it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
