My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
