if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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