make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Randomize
