Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
im having a threesome with these popsicles
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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