omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize